Morning Coffee: Ex-Goldman Sachs private equity associate embodies most desirable date. Fine times at the hedge fund that wants you in the office 5 days a week

If you work in private equity, this could be your summer. By some quirk of fate, private equity guys (for they are mostly guys) have become the new more desirable boyfriends. So says the Wall Street Journal, which notes that celebrities Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman and Olivia Rodrigo have all achieved one. 

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The men in question include Michael Reinstein, the founder of private equity firm Regent; Oliver Haarman, founder of London-based SearchLight Capital; and Julian Croonenberghs, a mere associate at HG in New York and former Goldman Sachs financial institutions group (FIG) analyst. Reinstein is dating Kidman. Haarman is dating Witherspoon. Rodrigo,a singer-songwriter and child actress, is dating Croonenberghs. 

Three celebrities don't make a trend but where some celebrities go, other mortals will follow. Kevin Cassidy, a 28-year-old former private-equity associate at New Mountain Capital disparaged the WSJ's suggestion that PE guys are the new hot dates, suggesting that he is not a beneficiary. But Johnny Hilbrant Partridge, who ruthlessly mocks private equity bros on Instagram, said the industry has become synonymous with finance. On this basis, private equity professionals are just niche beneficiaries of the "man in finance" TikTok trend. 

A well publicised study in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior found that women are prepared to disregard male physical unattractiveness if men have higher pay. Private equity pay is falling by virtue of withered carried interest payments. Fortunately, the PE professionals in question also appear to be tall, and so they will always have that in their favour.

 Separately, we noted five months ago that Bill Ackman's Pershing Square seemed a nice place to work. Now Ackman has confirmed this. 

Speaking to Fortune, Ackman said he likes to have his 48 employees in the office "five days a week, ten months a year," but they are all very well rewarded. "We take care of our people, including their health—from how we filter the air, to the food in our cafe, to gym access and healthcare," he says. "Because of that, people don’t think about leaving. In the last decade, we haven’t had a single undesired departure from the firm, which is very unusual in this industry."

Ackman's employees, who are hired for their "highest character" are not paid on the basis of their P&L, but the P&L of the $35bn fund. If you occupy an investment role at Pershing Square, you will be expected to decamp to Bridgehampton on the east end of Long Island to work in the summer. Ackman has a large beachfront estate there, although it's not clear whether you will stay on his couch.

Meanwhile...

The new private equity investment trend is yacht marinas. CVC agreed to sell marina group D-Marin to French private equity firm InfraVia for around €1bn. They offer dependable cash flow and you can add perks like restaurants and lounges. (Financial Times) 

Bank of America is spending $250m on drugs like Ozempic for its people. "We see a great impact on employees." (Business Insider)  

Chris Hohn is a man unafraid to express his opinions. “Any idiot can see that the climate has changed and climate change is accelerating. Anybody who doesn’t look at the science is wilfully ignorant.” (The Times) 

Pay expenses at Goldman Sachs' London business were up 21% on the back of bigger bonus accruals in the first half of the year. (Financial News)  

This is what headhunters actually do. (ScienceDirect) 

Should you wear shorts in the office? “Loins are only to be aired in gyms, pools, bathrooms, and bedrooms, unless the rest of the outfit is so chic that it elevates the loin rather than drawing attention to it. If you are not in the top 5 percent in terms of styling, then you probably can’t pull off different lengths on different occasions — you should stick to trousers.” (The Cut) 

In any normal year, financial services professionals leave Dubai in the summer. This year they left in March because of the war and are obliged to stay there in the summer to maintain residence visas, which are automatically cancelled after long periods outside the United Arab Emirates. (The Banker) 

Jane Street has got this competition to reverse engineer an ASIC (chip). (Jane Street) 

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